Saturday, April 5, 2008

Still Around

It looks like I have abandoned my blog..but the truth is that I haven't. Every since connectiviy problems at home have prevented me from accessing the web , I really haven't been able to post at all but I refuse to let this blog die as it means a lot to me. It will be more time before I get down to serious posting (something that I have been planning ever since I set this blog up) as I am undergoing surgery for kidney stones tomorrow. Apparently thanks to these stones my left kidney has extended a bit and this surgery is an emergency. I am scared as hell as this is the first time I am undergoing a surgery and at the same time comes the realisation that the excesses of my 20s (more by complusion than by choice) are now coming home to roost.
It's a humbling thought that my body is also vulnerable to starange diseases and conditions...and I am not as invincible as I imagined that I was when I skipped lunches, ate junk food, forgot to drink water, worked all odd hours and generally pushed myself mentally and physically to the limit in my bid to pull myself and my family out of the rut that we had fallen in to post Dad's illness. I needed to prove myself to the a way I have ....but the price I am paying is a heavy one.
Maybe I am sounding melodramatic, but I have never been the sickly kinds, so it is proving to be very, very difficult to come to terms that I will never be "whole" again. I will always have to "be careful" for the rest of my life.